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28 July 2007, 00:54
No.. not Bangkok. One night in the cupboard. Three nights ago? I think.
This is transcribed from a notebook He let me take into the cupboard with me for my first ever overnight. I scribbled little bits of thoughts in between naps and uncomfortable flip-flops.
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I asked if I could bring a notebook, pen and light in with me once I realized that He really meant it when He said He wasn't going to let me out. I feel less alone when I have a notebook, like I have someone to share my fear with.
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I'm grateful that He's allowing this first night to be an easy transition. It's the first time He's ever allowed a pen and paper, or a light, during any period of isolation. Now I can see why, too.
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This could be a long night. Bored.
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I feel like a bull in a china shop trying to move around in here. I'm not supposed to make a lot of noise but it all sounds very loud to me.
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It's hot in here.
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Of all the nights to have had baked beans for supper. Oy Vey!
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I'm afraid to shut my eyes. Afraid that I won't be able to sleep? Or more afraid that I'll drift off like a contented newborn? Sometimes the truth of what I am and what I need scares me more than pretending I'm "normal".
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It is VERY VERY VERY cramped in here!!!!!!
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I don't know if dozing off is helping because it makes the time go faster or if it's NOT helping because I don't know how much time has passed.
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Something multi-legged just crawled across my TIT!!!! I'm not screaming. I will not scream. I will NOT scream. I will scream if anymore somethings crawl on me. Oh god. I KNEW there were THINGS IN HERE.
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I won't scream.
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I don't know where it is.
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I wonder if He's awake. I don't hear anything.
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I think I handled that well. It wasn't that bad. Just a spider. Little bitty spider. Okay.
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Jesus I have to pee.
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Next time, can I reserve the cunt cupboard with a window seat? Is it morning yet?
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It doesn't feel like I've been in here a long time but when I wake up I feel like I've been asleep for a long time. Next time I'm smuggling in a watch. This sucks!
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The time definitely passes differently in the dark with no distractions but my head. I wish I wouldn't have asked for the light and the notebook. I hate it when He always knows best. Can't I just ONCE be smarter than Him?
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Last time I was in here I about froze to death. DUH! It was still winter then! There are far too many hot fuzzy air sucking blankets in here. I'm suffocating!! Though I may use one of them to pee on here in a minute. Fuck I gotta go.
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Gotta pee, gotta pee, gotta pee pee pee!!
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It has to be morning. Good lord. I've been in here for a thousand years at least.
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He pulled me out at about 5am, cock in hand and ready to fuck. Having been rode hard and put away wet, literally(!), I was sore and cramped and in some funky-ass headspace that *really* turned Him on. Then He let me pee, finally!, tucked me into bed with Him and we slept another hour before He had to get up for work.
I think I'm going back in the cupboard tonight. Probably without the notebook and flashlight though. I couldn't believe how distracting that was. Crazy.
Anyway, have a great weekend!
~cunt
One Night In Bangkok.
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